


When The Dawn Breaks

by heartsdesire456



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 1x11 Compliant, Angst, Based on 1x12 Promo, Canon Compliant, First Kiss, Loss of Virginity, Love, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Protective Siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-29 15:32:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6382081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartsdesire456/pseuds/heartsdesire456
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a text from Isabelle sends Alec to Magnus's house as one last ditch attempt to get him to call off his wedding, Alec and Magnus come clean about their feelings and the consequences of them. When dawn breaks after one night together, Alec has to choose between doing what's right and what his heart wants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When The Dawn Breaks

**Author's Note:**

> So this is based off of the wedding scene and a lot of 'WHAT IF!' stuff with a couple of friends. It's like the most dramatic interpretation of 'what if', so it's nothing like what we actually THINK will happen, but we wanted some reason to account for how Magnus looks a little bit pissed mixed in with his upset face in that scene.
> 
> I didn't actually plan to write another Malec or one ANYWHERE NEAR this long.
> 
> It is now 2am and I have written this all since about 8pm around TV and conversation, and now I have SO MUCH homework to do so no sleep but I HAD to get this out.

Alec felt like an absolute dumbass when he went to the address Izzy had texted him, because the minute he walked around the corner and realized where he was, it struck him that he should’ve known what street that was and why it sounded familiar. However, since he had given her a promise he would actually show up, he dutifully crossed the street and walked up to the door anyways. 

When he buzzed up, he was surprised to get a, “Come on up,” and nothing more before the door unlocked and he was able to make his way upstairs. When he got to the door of the apartment, he knocked once and it was promptly opened. “Hey, what did you-“ Magnus looked startled to see Alec, voice trailing off. “Need?”

Alec was momentarily stunned by the _hope_ in Magnus’s eyes behind all the confusion and it hurt even more when he had to speak. “Is Isabelle here?” he asked and Magnus seemed to gather some composure and forced a cold smile.

“Alec, what a surprise. Hmm? Isabelle?” He shrugged, gesturing for Alec to come in if he wanted as he walked away, leaving the door open. “No, can’t say I’ve seen her.”

Alec groaned as he walked in, shutting the door behind him. “Magnus, I’m sorry to bother you.” He looked at his clothes and hair and shook his head. “If you have a client or something, I can just go-“

“Oh this?” Magnus brushed his shirt and made an amused sound. “Actually, I thought you were Isabelle.”

Alec blinked slowly. “Um. No?”

“It’s just that Isabelle called me and said she was coming over,” Magnus explained, gesturing around absently. He turned around a few times, looking around like he was searching for something and it hit Alec that Magnus was _nervous_. He was seeing Magnus Bane uncomfortable and nervous and it was so strange. “She said she needed my help with something very important. So I got dressed and ready in case we needed to go somewhere,” he explained. He turned suddenly, eyebrows high. “She’s not missing is she?” he asked quickly.

Alec rolled his eyes and then sighed heavily. “Damn it, Izzy.” He looked up and took a heavy breath, shaking his head slowly. “No. She’s just meddling.”

Magnus tilted his head to the side, showing mild confusion. “Meddling? By telling me she was coming and sending you-“

“The wedding is tomorrow,” Alec admitted uncomfortably. He looked away when he saw Magnus flinch as understanding hit him. “She gave me an address for the bachelor party she had planned and I didn’t realize until I got here that it was your place.” He shook his head, running a hand through his hair. “This was cruel even for her and I’m really sorry. I just had to be sure she wasn’t waiting here to ambush me with something. That’s why I came up-“

“It’s alright,” Magnus said, visibly deflated. “It isn’t your fault,” he murmured, looking down at his own hands. He chuckled dryly. “She probably didn’t mean to be cruel.”

“No, this is obviously a last ditch attempt to get me to call off the wedding,” Alec said, voice a little sharp. “She’s so intent on me backing out.”

Magnus, to his surprise, looking up at him with an impressed grin. “Well at least someone’s not giving up on saving you,” he said and Alec gave him a hard look.

“I don’t need saving,” he said firmly and Magnus’s lip curled slightly.

“Don’t you?” he asked, taking a few steps towards Alec. “Your sister loves you more than anybody in this world, Alec,” he said in a harder tone than Alec was used to from him. “She’s trying to convince you to stop this nonsense-“

Alec gritted his teeth. “It’s not nonsense. I’m doing the right thing for everyone. You’re the one who said I’m as good as the head of the Institute, well in doing this, I _will_ be the head of the Institute. If Izzy and Jace-“

“Why do you have to pay for their mistakes?!” Magnus snapped. He took a deep breath, visibly calming himself. When he opened his eyes again he looked at Alec more controlled and calculatingly. “You know Isabelle and Jace are right and you’re wrong sometimes. You’re not perfect no matter what I…” Magnus faltered and he smiled sadly. “No matter what some people may think.”

Alec relaxed some, letting his anger melt at the reminder of how Magnus felt. “I have to do what I can for them.” He shook his head. “My parents are worse for us than Izzy and Jace ever have been. It’s as much to distance myself from them than anything. It’s strategic and most importantly, it will work.”

Magnus raised an eyebrow. “Strategic. Once again, that’s really hot,” he deadpanned. He smirked slightly, though his eyes showed less mirth than his lips. “What about… love?” He stalked closer and Alec felt the tension twisting in his gut, gluing him to the floor where he stood as Magnus started to pace around him. “Your heart beats faster when they walk by.” Alec glanced at him and could see the tinge of desperation hidden in Magnus’s eyes and yet he couldn’t help the stupid part of him that clutched his own chest when his heart leapt at Magnus’s closeness. Magnus walked behind him and he could feel every hair on his neck standing up with the feeling of Magnus so close. “Your skin tingles every time they enter a room.” He came back to a stop in front of Alec, tilting his head expectantly.

Alec swallowed hard but forced a shrug. “It’s not like I’m alone in that. Lydia could never love me either. She- she met- well.” He couldn’t fight the jar to his system at the thought of being in the same boat as Lydia and his eyebrow twitched when he finished. “She lost him,” he finished roughly, and even Magnus looked taken aback very slightly. “So yeah.” Alec licked his lips. “It could be worse, couldn’t it?”

He knew immediately that was the worst thing to say, because Magnus’s eyes grew far less shielded and his desperation shone clear. “Why are you doing this?” Magnus demanded, stepping closer, looking straight up into Alec’s eyes. “I _know_ you feel what I feel!” He gave him a pleading look, breath coming in short bursts. “Alexander,” he whispered, voice breaking, and Alec’s heart plummeted. 

Alec hung his head, putting him in a position that his bangs brushed Magnus’s forehead. “Magnus I-“ He broke off. He lifted his eyes, meeting Magnus’s. “I do, okay?” he said softly. “Everything you said, everything, it’s true. But it doesn’t change much of anything,” he murmured. “It can’t.”

“Why not?!” Magnus demanded, looking even more distressed. “Alexander, I haven’t felt for anyone what I feel for you, do you understand me?” He reached up to touch Alec’s face, gently brushing his hand along Alec’s cheek until he leaned into it. “In four _hundred_ years, I’ve never- never felt like this. I’ve been in love but it was never _this_.”

Alec opened his eyes, meeting Magnus’s. “Do you think I want to hurt you?” he all but whispered. “Magnus, I don’t even know what love is. I don’t- I’ve never even seen anybody in love before, I don’t think. It was never supposed to happen to me. I was never going to be allowed to love someone.” He shook his head minutely. “Do you think I ever wanted any of this to happen to you? Why do you want anything to do with me, Magnus? I didn’t want you to feel anything because this was always going to be the outcome.” Magnus made a pained sound and Alec shook his head. “Maybe not me marrying some woman, but we couldn’t have been together, no matter how much I want-“

“So you do want me?” Magnus asked, and Alec laughed, tugging out of his hold, turning around. He paced some, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands. Magnus made a frustrated sound. “I don’t see what’s so funny-“

Alec turned around, gesturing to him. “This is.” He shook his head. “I thought for so long that I knew what it was to want someone because I ‘wanted’ Jace, but it took maybe three minutes after I so much as looked at you to realize that was seriously just the side effect of him being the only guy my age that I ever interacted with. I had no idea what it was like to actually feel more than physical attraction to anybody. And then there’s you!” He leaned against the arm of the couch behind him, rubbing his face into his hands, leaning forward against his knees. “You made that stupid joke and smiled at me and I just-“ He groaned. “It was like something from the fairytales that Izzy read when we were little. The music seemed to stop, and the people went away, and the _demons_ were not even a problem, and there was just…” He looked up at Magnus with misery in his eyes. “There was just me and you.” He smiled pitifully. “Three seconds and I just- I wanted to know you. I wanted to- to talk to you and I hate talking to anybody. I wanted to know what you call that color on your nails, and I wanted to know why you liked glitter, or what your favorite shirt looks like.” He shrugged, letting his shoulders slump again as he looked down at his hands. “I didn’t even know you were Magnus Bane yet, but I wanted to know everything there is.”

Alec was still looking at his hands when Magnus’s legs came into view. He closed his eyes when he felt a hand land in his hair, oh so gently stroking his messy hair back. He tilted his head up, opening his eyes and he saw how shiny Magnus’s eyes were. He reached out and weakly curled a hand around Magnus’s hip as Magnus stepped between his knees. Sitting on the arm of the couch, he was the right height to lay his head against Magnus’s chest, letting his cheek rest just right so that he could hear Magnus’s heartbeat.

Magnus curled his free hand around Alec’s back, resting his cheek on top of Alec’s head as he continued to stroke the hair at his neck. After the longest time, Magnus spoke softly and it absolutely broke Alec’s heart. “Thank you, Alexander.”

Alec’s breath caught like a strangling sound as he jerked back, looking up into his eyes. “For _what_?” he asked abruptly.

Magnus smiled, looking, for the first time since he arrived, genuinely calm. “For being honest with me,” he said simply. He shook his head. “You didn’t have to be.”

Alec looked at him like he was insane. “I admit that I have never felt this way before but tell you it doesn’t change anything, and your only reaction is ‘thank you’?” he asked incredulously.

Magnus chuckled. “Well getting you to say more than four words together is like pulling teeth, Alexander, to get so many out of you- mmph!” Magnus’s eyes grew wide as Alec dragged him down by the collar of his shirt and kissed him out of nowhere.

When Alec jerked back, he looked like he was the one who had been kissed without warning. “Shit, Magnus, I’m sorry, I-“ He flushed, gently untangling his hand from Magnus’s shirt as he looked down. “By the Angel, that was-“ He groaned. “I didn’t ask and it had to be pretty bad and-“

“Alexander,” Magnus giggled, and Alec looked up at him with the most shame-filled look of embarrassment Magnus had ever seen. 

“I’m sorry,” he muttered and Magnus smirked as he pushed Alec’s hair back from his forehead.

“Alexander, was that your first kiss?” he asked, and Alec turned even redder but nodded. “Well, I feel honored,” Magnus teased making Alec glare at him some, cheeks still flushed with embarrassment. Magnus gently curled his arms around Alec’s shoulders. “It’s okay, Alec. I’m not mad. I was just caught off-guard.” He tilted Alec’s chin up with two fingers, leaning down closer. “Can I?” he asked, and Alec nodded quickly, making Magnus smile.

Magnus gently pressed his lips to Alec’s, and Alec closed his eyes, enjoying the gentle pressure. Magnus’s kiss grew more firm as his lips moved against Alec’s and Alec’s heart beat harder under Magnus’s ministrations. Alec tentatively put his hands on Magnus’s waist and Magnus made a soft hum of approval, curling one hand around Alec’s jaw, the other sliding around his shoulders. 

The first touch of Magnus’s tongue to the seam of his lips made him instinctively open his mouth, and _oh_ , the moment Magnus’s tongue dipped into his mouth, it was like lightning skated up his spine, making him shiver. The craziest part was, he wasn’t the only one, judging on the way Magnus whimpered and pressed closer, stepping further into Alec’s arms. Magnus pulled back with a startled look, but Alec just tugged him back in, wanting more. Magnus groaned against his mouth, sinking his fingers into his hair and guiding his face where he wanted him. “Alexander,” he moaned, kissing along his cheek to his jaw and then down his neck. Alec cried out sharply when Magnus nipped at his earlobe, hands clenching on Magnus’s hips.

“Magnus,” he panted, pulling away enough to catch his mouth again. Magnus made a desperate sound, licking into Alec’s mouth again. Alec wasn’t sure one hundred percent what to do, but he tried copying what Magnus did to him and, going by the sounds Magnus made, it wasn’t exactly terrible. Magnus hissed when Alec moved his mouth to Magnus’s neck, sucking at the tendon that stood out right in front of him. His hands slid, without thinking, to Magnus’s ass, grabbing it firmly with both hands and pulling him against him so that their crotches brushed. Alec bit down at the spike of pleasure and Magnus gasped sharply, making Alec jerk away fast, eyes wide when he saw the bruise already forming where he’d just bitten. “Shit, I’m sorry-“

“Not complaining, Alexander,” Magnus reassured him, tugging his hair to make him look up at his eyes. “It felt good,” he said with a cheeky wink.

Alec flushed but his pupils dilated further. “Yeah?” he asked, raising his hand to stroke his thumb across the mark. He took a ragged breath when Magnus’s eyes fluttered. “Shit.”

Magnus grinned, pressing into Alec’s hand on his throat, eyes fluttering at the feeling. “You say that a lot. I’m starting to think my Angel has a dirtier mouth than I’d expected.”

Alec’s heart fluttered at Magnus’s little ‘my’ in front of the descriptor. He bit his lip and grinned, sliding his hand down Magnus’s chest, feeling of the slope of his muscles deliberately, his other hand still cupping Magus’s ass. “Well, I am only part Angel,” he said, eyes watching his fingers flattening out Magnus’s shirt to feel every ripple of abdominal muscle under his silky shirt. He slid his fingers to the button nearest them and looked up at Magnus, nerves fluttering. “C- Can I?” he asked and Magnus swallowed hard, eyes falling shut as he nodded. “Magnus?”

“Yes, Alexander,” he whispered, and Magnus slowly, nervously undid the bottom button. He bit his lip in concentration as he moved both hands to Magnus’s shirt, fingers tingling every time they brushed the warm, golden skin beneath his shirt. By the time he got to the top, his breath was coming in ragged pulls and his fingers were trembling. He let his shirt hang open just a bit, how it naturally hung, and looked up at Magnus only to take a rasping breath when he saw Magnus’s mouth hanging open just so, eyes shut as he shivered at Alec’s touch. When Alec reached carefully and pressed his fingertips to Magnus’s abs, and then flattened his palm on his stomach, his large hand exploring the spot where Magnus’s belly button should’ve been, his eyes stayed on Magnus’s face.

He was rewarded by Magnus’s eyes flying open as he gasped and revealing his _real_ eyes, all golden with slit-pupils like a cat’s eyes. Alec stared, having never seen more than a flash of them before, hand stroking absently at his belly. “Your eyes,” Alec whispered, and Magnus quickly closed his eyes and then opened them again to reveal his normal, still beautiful, brown eyes.

“I-I’m sorry. I-“

“Hey,” Alec chastised, shaking his head as he raised his other hand to trail across Magnus’s cheek, just below his eyes. He smiled warmly. “You’re beautiful. I- I mean they’re beautiful.” He flushed, rolling his eyes. “You are too, I just- I meant-“

“Alexander,” Magnus purred, curling a hand around his face. He smiled warmly, leaning in to kiss him sweetly. “Nobody likes my eyes,” he said and Alec gave him a disbelieving look.

“Oh c’mon. They’re beautiful, that’s just insane,” he said, and Magnus gave him the most adoring look he’d ever seen from Magnus.

Magnus shook his head, grinning at him. “You’re the first person to ever want me to keep them.” He closed his eyes and then opened them again, revealing his natural golden eyes.

Alec brightened. “Well they’re all insane.” He curled his arms around Magnus’s middle, tugging him in until he could press a kiss to his sternum. He lifted his head some and kissed his collar bone, lips brushing up to his throat. “You deserve to be told you’re beautiful the way you are.” His lips found that bruise on Magnus’s neck again and he gave an experimental lick.

“Oh, Alexander,” Magnus moaned, jaw dropping when Alec aggravated his earlier bruise as he slid his hands up Magnus’s naked torso, rough, callused Shadowhunter hands caressing his skin in a gentle, exploring way it seemed, by his reaction, Magnus hadn’t been touched in a long time. Alec couldn’t get enough of the way Magnus tasted, and the way he smelled. He pulled away from his skin and kissed him again. If the noises Magnus made were anything to go by, the gasps and whimpers, Alec was learning fast. Alec wanted _more_. He wasn’t even sure how, or what, but he moved with instinct. His hands went to the backs of Magnus’s thighs and he _stood_ , taking Magnus with him. Magnus squealed, clinging to Alec’s shoulders, giggling as he managed to get his legs around Alec’s waist when Alec hefted him up higher. “Alexander!” he laughed, grinning down at Alec, who grinned back, leaning in to kiss him warmly. “Mmmm, I love Nephilim strength,” Magnus noted, tugging Alec closer, their foreheads pressed together as he looked down at Alec.

Alec pecked his lips again. “How’s it feel to be taller?” he asked, and Magnus huffed, tugging at his hair playfully.

“I’ll have you know, I’m taller than a lot of warlocks I know,” he said and Alec smirked.

“Sure you are,” he whispered, kissing Magnus again. Magnus moaned low in his throat.

“Did you have a plan for me when you picked me up, or did you just wanna prove you’re big and strong?” he teased and Alec moved back to the bruise on his throat, making him groan and shudder in Alec’s arms. “Alexander,” he whispered, kissing his earlobe to whisper. “You can say no, you can always say no, but if- My bedroom is the second door over there.”

Alec shuddered, whether because of Magnus’s words or because of his lips and breath on his ear, and he pulled back to kiss Magnus firmly. “I’ve never… I mean I have never kissed anyone until a little while ago. Are you- I mean-“ He blushed, meeting Magnus’s golden eyes nervously. “What if I’m… bad?”

Magnus grinned, kissing his nose, smiling when he scrunched it up. “Oh you probably will be,” he said and Alec gave him an affronted look. “Nobody’s first time is very skilled, Alexander,” he purred, using his grip with his legs to grind against him teasingly. “But I don’t mind. If you want to. But you never have to say yes to anybody,” he reminded him and Alec needed no further encouragement.

Alec carried Magnus across the apartment, going to the door Magnus directed him to. He carried Magnus inside and then, with a heave, tossed Magnus onto the bed, making him let out a sharp peal of laughter in surprise. Alec looked down at him, spread out on the (bright pink, how _Magnus_ ) bed, and didn’t hesitate to shuck off his jacket he still hadn’t ever come out of, letting it fall to the floor. Magnus watched him intently, propped on his elbows so that his chest and torso was exposed through the open flaps of his silkly blue shirt, and Alec only paused a moment before tugging his teeshirt off as well, leaving himself naked to the waist. 

Magnus gave him a hungry look eyes raking over his torso as he moved towards the bed. He leaned down to take off his boots as well, knowing better than to crawl into someone’s bed with boots on, and when he stood up again, Magnus had sprawled amongst the pillows, watching him with his hand propped in his chin, giving a dreamy sigh when he stood again. “You’re so hot, Alexander,” he sighed playfully and Alec rolled his eyes as he crawled into the bed, moving over to hover beside Magnus, who rolled flat onto his back, pillows shoved aside as he sunk into them.

Alec laughed, catching a pillow that got stuck under his knee to give it a tug. “Why do you have so many pillows? You barely have room for you in here with all these,” he said, flopping onto his middle as he hit Magnus in the middle with the pillow playfully.

Magnus took that pillow and tossed it, grabbing Alec’s arm and tugging him on top of him, kissing him as he moved to let Alec slide on top of him. “I don’t like a lot of space and I-“ Magnus smiled sadly, shrugging. “It’s been a very long time since I met someone who cared to spend the whole night. Not just a short while,” he admitted and Alec was surprised at the surge of slight jealousy but, more importantly, _sadness_ at that thought.

“They don’t deserve you, then,” Alec whispered against his lips as he kissed him again. “I wanted to spend so much more than one night the first time I saw you.”

Magnus closed his eyes, hands going to grasp the pillows around him as Alec kissed down his body slowly. “I wish I could keep you forever,” Magnus breathed, sucking in his belly when Alec got to the hem of his pants.

“I do, too,” Alec whispered, closing his eyes against the pain in his heart at those words. 

There was no rush, not a moment of hurrying between them. Even when they were naked, their bodies touching in every way possible, Magnus was patient and Alec checked every touch with Magnus, to be sure he was doing it right, so there was no rush in spite of any of the fumbling.

And there was definitely fumbling. Magnus offered to use magic but Alec wanted to do things the right way for his first time, awkwardness and all. Magnus found it endearing, if the tender smiles he gave Alec were anything to go by. Alec nearly threw up when, while he was trying to learn how to give a blowjob, Magnus casually tossed out that he’d really like for Alec to fuck him, which made Alec jump and gag himself really badly, making them both have to catch their breaths before going further, Alec from coughing and Magnus from laughing at Alec’s coughing and cursing. When he opened the lube, he ended up squeezing some out all over his thigh, which made Magnus snort and laugh until Alec rolled his eyes at him and teasingly threatened to just go jerk off in his bathroom if that was the way he wanted to play it, which only made Magnus laugh harder, but while pulling Alec into a kiss to make sure he knew he wasn’t laughing at him.

Between Alec being far too thorough in making sure Magnus was ready (AKA, teasing Magnus until he was panting and red) and the fact that he still had a stamina rune wearing off from earlier in the day when he was training, all on top of the fact that any suggested Magnus made, Alec followed to perfection, Magnus still ended up coming first, in spite of it being Alec’s first time. Alec lost it immediately at the sight of Magnus’s back arched in pleasure and the sound of his name repeated like a prayer from Magnus’s lips, but Magnus still poked him in the side a few times, grumbling about how it wasn’t fair that Alec was so good his first time instead of embarrassingly bad like everybody else.

After they had cleaned up, Alec lay on his side, looking down at Magnus, who was on his belly, arms curled beneath one of the few pillows that had managed to stay on the bed during the whole thing, looking at him with a warm, sleepy smile. Alec stroked his hair, smiling when Magnus sighed. “Tell me something about you that nobody else knows,” Alec asked softly.

Magnus snuggled into his pillow, sliding his leg over to curl his knee around Alec’s, tugging him until he was half- on top of Magnus, draped along his side, their noses almost touching. “I’ll tell you a special secret that only one other person knows,” he said and Alec smiled. Magnus peeked open a golden eye and grinned mischievously. “I’m not nearly as old as I tell people,” he whispered.

Alec grinned. “I figured you weren’t. Your stories are pretty extravagant,” he said, rubbing his back. “I’m assuming Michelangelo is not, in fact, a former lover?”

Magnus nearly giggled, shaking his head some. “Pretty sure he died before I was born.” Magnus yawned. “I’m not totally sure when I was born, because my family was a poor farming family, so keeping up the year wasn’t that important, but it was almost certainly after 1600.” 

Alec stared at him distantly. “Wow. That’s still pretty old,” he said and Magnus nodded. Alec eyed him curiously. “How do you do it?” he asked, thinking about his own dread of falling asleep. Even after one night, the thought of giving Magnus up was enough to eat him up inside. “How do you live so long and lose so much?”

Magnus smiled sadly, eyes drifting shut. “Some don’t. As you can imagine, immortals are prone to suicide.” He hummed sleepily. “You go so long hurting from losing someone until, eventually, it isn’t so bad anymore. You live so long that that’s an option. I’ve only had one lover stay with me until she died. My first,” he whispered. “First everything, really. She loved me until she grew old and died – granted old then was about forty – and I thought it would kill me,” he admitted. “It hurt so much for so long. But when you live four-hundred years, a few decades passes and after that first one, you get better with loss.” He smiled, nuzzling Alec’s temple. “Nobody else ever loved me enough to stay with me, though. Not after her. Not a single person.”

Alec’s heart clenched. “You deserve to have someone choose you and stay,” he said, voice rough.

Magnus hummed tiredly. “It’s hard to ask someone to give up the choice of having a family and grow old with someone who won’t grow old with them. It hurts, but I understand. I haven’t really loved but a handful of people in four-hundred years. It’s easier to just enjoy a few months of something and part on good terms than give myself to someone. You scare me, Alexander, because you’re something I’ve never felt before and I don’t know what will happen to me without you.”

Alec watched him in silence for a moment, trying to fight the guilt roiling inside of him. “Do you- do you wish you had never met me?” he asked, and Magnus shook his head, snuggling even closer, pecking Alec’s lips.

“Never. Any hurt is worth it, even if tonight is all we ever have,” Magnus said, and Alec clenched his eyes shut, clinging tighter to Magnus.

~

Alec didn’t ever sleep. He spent the whole night holding Magnus and watching him sleep. When the light of the sunrise started to filter through the windows, Alec closed his eyes and ignored it as long as he could, breathing in the warm smell of Magnus’s hair. However, when the light managed to shine through his eyelids, he had to give up. 

Dawn had come and the fantasy had come to its end.

Alec was careful when he extricated himself from Magnus’s arms. He got dressed as quietly as possible, holding his boots in his hand as he walked back to the bed one last time. He sat gently beside Magnus and watched him sleep, his beautiful eyes moving behind their lids as he dreamed. Alec made the choice to not wake him, to not end his happy dreams any faster than he needed to. He leaned over, brushing a tender kiss to Magnus’s face, fighting to keep his breaths even as he lingered. “I love you, Magnus Bane. I’ll always love you,” he breathed, pressing one last kiss to his skin before he stood and quickly and quietly left the room and the apartment, choosing to wait and put on his boots when he was outside rather than linger a moment longer in his apartment.

~

Alec hoped nobody would catch him sneaking back in early in the morning, and he was lucky enough that, even with the preparations for the wedding and the envoys of the Clave present, nobody crossed his path until he got to his room…

And the moment he opened the door and saw his _suit_ he was going to get _married_ in hanging on the closet door, something him just snapped.

Everything hurt. His chest, his head, his throat, his stomach, he didn’t even know what was wrong with him until he realized he hadn’t breathed in so long things were starting to get spotty. He looked at that suit and turned around, crossing the hall to Isabelle’s room. He banged on the door, not caring how loud he was being, because he couldn’t breathe and he couldn’t go in his bedroom, but nobody could see him like that. 

The door swung open and Izzy looked up at him with rage in her sleep-filled eyes. “What the fuck-“ She stopped immediately as she saw how he was shaking and his eyes were wide, and she immediately stepped back, letting him stumble in. He nearly fell down, going to one knee beside her bed before she rushed over after locking the door and pulled him up, sitting him down on it. “Alec, Oh God, Alec, what’s wrong?!” She put her hands on his upper arms, pushing him back onto the bed as she crawled up with him. “Big Brother, what happened? Why are you cold? Were you out?” she asked.

He let out a pained whine, suddenly terrified of himself. “Izzy,” he choked out, and, as he feared, he let out a sound not unlike a sob and the tears started to burn his eyes. 

Isabelle was looking at him like he was on fire or something, because Alec knew she hadn’t seen him cry since he was about ten years old. Alec hadn’t cried since he was about ten years old. He could remember the last time he cried was when he had started training. He’d gotten hurt and when he started to cry, his father had left him there after telling him that, if he was still young enough to cry, he was too young to be a Shadowhunter. He wanted to be the best, so he made a choice to _never_ cry again after that.

But as he pulled his knees up towards his chest and leaned his head against his sister’s hand on his face, he felt like he could cry for hours. “Oh Alec, what happened to you?” she asked, curling her arms around him as she knelt beside him. “You didn’t come home?” she asked worriedly.

“I- I followed your text,” he choked out, clenching his hands in the fabric of his own jacket.

She looked surprised. “You saw it was Magnus’s apartment and didn’t run away? Wow, I’m proud of you,” she said, and he let out a harsh sob. She frowned. “Oh God, did you have a fight? Did he hurt you?!” she asked suddenly. “Alec, did he actually fight you-“

“I spent the night,” Alec got out, looking at her through his tears. “I-I went in to talk to make sure you weren’t really there and it was a joke or something, and- and we talked.”

Her eyes softened. “Oh Alec. I never meant for you to get called whatever names he called you. God I thought he was better than that,” she spat. “I thought he would just make you go, I didn’t think he’d sit and talk with you and then drive you away-“

“No, Izzy, I _spent the night_ ,” he stressed and she raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, and you’ve spent the night before-“ He gave her a pointed look and she blinked, eyes widening as her jaw dropped. “Wait you mean-“

He snorted, laughing through his tears as he wiped his face. “I didn’t intend for it, but, hey.” He shrugged. “No longer in the running for world’s oldest virgin,” he said weakly.

Isabelle’s eyes widened and she squealed, hugging him close. “Oh my God, you did it! Dios, I thought you were going to go through with this wedding at this point, I never thought it would actually work, I only _hoped_ but didn’t think-“ She stopped when Alec’s smile, however fragile, shattered and he let his head fall, shoulders shaking as he cried. “Wait-“ She shoved him, startling him. She looked _pissed_. “Did you fuck him and then still plan on marrying Lydia today?!” she asked.

Alec shook his head. “Izzy, I have to. I don’t- I don’t get to just abandon everything that matters because I fell in love with someone! I told him, last night, we were talking about how- how it doesn’t matter what I want. My happiness is not worth this Institute, or you and Jace and Max’s lives. I’m the big brother, I can’t be selfish-“

“You are being selfish!” she shouted, standing up from the bed with a huff, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “Alexander Gideon Lightwood, you _cannot_ tell me you _had sex_ with that man, that man who is _in love with you_ and then plan to marry someone else hours after that!”

“He knew that before we had sex, Isabelle!” he argued. “I admit, I kissed him, but then I felt bad and told him I was sorry, but he said it was okay and then obviously it was if I ended up sleeping with him!”

Isabelle growled, fire in her eyes. “How can you be so STUPID, Alec?! Magnus is the only person who has ever made you smile! Why can’t you see that you’re ruining your life and his?!” she shouted from clear across the room.

“Well maybe if you and Jace weren’t so rebellious I wouldn’t have to try and keep you safe!” he shouted at her, his tears still drying on his cheeks even though all he felt was contempt and anger now. “If Mom and Dad weren’t such weak followers, if Jace wasn’t so hardheaded and stubborn, if you weren’t so used to Dad letting you do whatever you want because you’re the only one of us he actually cares about you might have listened to me before you got me in this position to start with!” 

“IF YOU DIDN’T DO EVERYTHING MOM WANTED BECAUSE YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE SHE CARES ABOUT, MAYBE YOU WOULD TELL THEM NO SOMETIMES!” Isabelle shouted, getting right up in his face.

Alec didn’t back down at all, looking right down at her. “MAYBE IF MOM LOVED ME INSTEAD OF SAW ME AS A PERFECT SOLDIER SHE WOULD HAVE NOTICED THAT I’M GAY!” 

Isabelle gasped, eyes widening. “You- You’ve never said you’re gay before,” she said, and Alec jerked back, shocked that he’d said it himself. Isabelle deflated. “Oh Alec,” she said, and he gritted his teeth, looking away when his eyes started burning again. 

“I’m, I’m gay,” he said softly, smiling wetly. “The one time I say it out loud and it’s the day it becomes irrelevant,” he laughed weakly and Isabelle’s anger was forgotten as she hugged him tightly when he let out a soft sob. “I love him,” he whimpered into her hair and she sighed.

“I know you do, Alec.” She pulled back, looking up into his eyes. “Hermano, please. Please don’t do this to yourself. Alec, I’m begging you. Don’t do this. You can still back out. I’ll do it, I’ll let Mom and Dad find someone for me, at least they would pick someone of the gender I prefer-“

“No,” he said firmly. He hugged her tight, rubbing his face into her hair. “No, Izzy. You have someone-“

“But I’m not in love with Meliorn!” she argued. “Alec, don’t do this to yourself and don’t do this to Magnus. Please just think about what you’re doing to him.”

He smiled weakly, remembering Magnus’s words. “He’ll be okay. When you live forever, you have time to heal.”

Izzy shook her head, hearing the resolve in his voice. “Please, Alec, please,” she begged. “Please don’t do this. I love you, Alec, don’t do this to yourself.”

Alec smiled sadly, taking her hands in his. He kissed her knuckles. “Just do me a favor and fall in love with a Downworlder one day. Marry him so I can approve of it as the one running the Institute and piss Mom and Dad off as punishment. Give them a werewolf grandson or something,” he laughed and Isabelle gave him a heartbroken look. 

When he found his resolve and pulled away to leave, she just sat on the edge of the bed, watching him walk out with slumped shoulders. “Please, Alec,” she whispered, but he just shook his head and left.

He had to go get ready for his wedding.

~

When Magnus woke up, he hummed, stretching luxuriously as the warmth of the sun on his bare back soothed some of the kinks that came from a night spent doing the most fun of activities. He grinned to himself, rolling over to snuggle up to Alexander. However, when he rolled over, he only found the edge of the bed. He frowned, reaching out beside him where he had just been, only to find nothing. He opened his eyes and pushed himself up, looking around in confusion. He sat up, leaning forward to listen to see if he could hear Alec in the bathroom. “Alexander?” he called, voice hoarse with sleep. He heard nothing so he rolled his eyes, thinking he had to be n the kitchen. He slid to the edge of the bed and started to get up, only to frown when he saw he was on the side of the bed Alec had undressed at, but there were no clothes.

Suddenly he felt a sinking sensation as he looked around and saw only his clothes around the room. Magnus stood up suddenly, grabbing his robe as he rushed out of the bedroom. He looked around, confusion and hurt fighting each other to win to the surface, but sure enough, there was no Alec. He saw his phone plugged up on the kitchen counter and he went over, thinking maybe Alec had to go somewhere and had texted him.

When he picked it up there were no texts, just a dozen missed calls and a single voicemail from Isabelle. He felt anger rising as he realized Alec was gone, but he decided not to take it out on Isabelle. He picked it up and started to play the message. It was only then that he saw the gold glitter he’d left out on the table last night and remembered suddenly what today was.

He almost hung up, not wanting to hear anything from any Lightwood ever again, but the message started to play and Isabelle sounded frantic.

“Magnus, I know you don’t want to talk to any of us, and I now Alec is a bastard, but PLEASE pick up! Oh God, Alec’s going to do it, he’s going to marry her, Magnus you have to- to- Dios, I don’t even know, but please! He loves you, Magnus! He loves you and I know you love him, and he- he’s doing it for me and I begged him not to but he won’t let us down like that. I told him I’d marry someone if he would just call it off, but I think that just made him even more sure that he’s doing the right thing. But he ISN’T! Magnus, please, no matter how angry you are, please, do something. Anything. He won’t listen to me and he won’t listen to Jace but he’s in love with you, so you’re my last hope! Even if you never speak to him again afterwards, just stop him-“

Magnus heard Clary, of all people, in the background. “Tell him you’ll pay him whatever!” she said and Isabelle’s voice came back louder.

“Yes! Pay you! Anything! God you can have my firstborn if you just save my brother.” She got quieter and Magnus sighed when he heard the tears straining her voice. “He said out loud that he’s gay this morning, Magnus. He’s never said those words and he said ‘I’m gay’ to me. I know he spent the night at your house, and I know he loves you and you love him, and I know he’s finally ready to accept himself. But- but he’s just trying to protect his family. He’s too selfless to let us suffer if he can stop it. Please. Please stop him, Magnus. He has nobody to stop him from suffering but you.” Isabelle sniffled some. “The wedding is at eleven, so only about two hours now. If- if you can find it I you to do something, I don’t care if you have to kidnap me or Jace for a show, just help Alec.”

When the message ended, Magnus hit himself in the lips with his phone a few times. He understood perfectly what Alec was thinking. He also understood that he had always had the respect to never try and force Alec’s hand. Alec made his own choices and Magnus had to respect that, or else how could he say he actually loved him?

Magnus was still debating what he could do, what he could _possibly_ do to help Isabelle save her brother without trying to force Alec’s hand, when he saw the clock and gasped.

It was already 11:05.

In that one, heart-stopping instant, Magnus remembered the way it felt to fall asleep in Alexander’s arms and know that he was loved, and he knew that he had to do whatever he could to make that possible once more.

Without further hesitation, he snapped his fingers to put on some clothes and get him done up enough to not get thrown out immediately, and then he rushed to open a portal. It was the only way he’d ever make it in time. 

~

Alec felt sick as he held out his wrist for Lydia to draw on the rune.

Every part of him was screaming at him to run away, to throw up, to pull out a seraph blade and fall on it, _anything_ to stop him from being married to a woman. He could see Isabelle looking at him with the most lost, heartbroken expression he could have ever imagined, and he could only imagine what they looked like to the people in the crowd: the groom wishing for death, and the bridesmaid on the verge of heartbreak.

Just before the stele touched his skin, there was a bang of a door opening somewhere and everybody looked towards the hall just in time to see the absolute last thing Alec ever expected to see.

Magnus walking towards them. 

Alec’s mom stood up and said something, but Alec didn’t hear what. Jace said something to Izzy but he didn’t hear what. Magnus said something to his mother as he bypassed her but Alec didn’t hear what. Lydia said something, he thought, but he didn’t hear what.

When Magnus stopped level with the first row of seats and looked up at him silently, Alec found himself corrected: Isabelle’s face was no longer the most lost and heartbroken expression he’d imagined. Magnus’s was. Alec looked into his eyes and the pain in them was the most gut-wrenching thing Alec could imagine seeing. It was like ice to his core. He wanted to cry _for_ Magnus. And he was the one who put that look there.

What had started out as a confused murmur had risen to a dull roar and, now that Magnus had stopped, had died to a total silence. Everybody seemed too curious to hear what on earth Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn, might have to say to Alec Lightwood in the middle of his wedding. It became apparently to Alec, as he watched Magnus just staring at him, hurt in his eyes hiding any other emotion, that Magnus didn’t intend to _say_ anything. He knew immediately what Magnus meant by this. If he asked Magnus to leave, Magnus would go. He’d turn around and that would be it. But he also knew that Magnus was hoping for something else. He knew the only reason Magnus could’ve ever thought to come was if he felt like there was a reason to have hope.

Alec had given up on hope a long time ago, but when Magnus’s stare became so long and the room became so pin-drop silent, he could see Magnus’s eyes filling with tears, because Alec wasn’t kicking him out, but he wasn’t dropping everything and running to him either, and that hope was fading rapidly in Magnus’s eyes.

Alec watched one, single tear, having built in Magnus’s left eye, begin to slowly escape his eyelashes and, in one move, slip down his cheek, unleashing the surface tension that allowed even more to fall. When Magnus’s throat bobbed and he blinked, in that instant of a blink, more tears were pushed free and, most striking of all, he lost control and his eyes shined golden.

Alec didn’t realize he was also on the verge of tears until Lydia touched his arm and whispered his name. “Alec? What’s going on?” she asked, and he looked at her suddenly. He quickly reached up to wipe at his eyes before she could notice him tearing up. 

“It’s nothing,” he said, and even before he words were fully across his lips, he knew he’d said the wrong thing. Isabelle’s face crumpled, all that hope and happiness that had been growing snuffed out like a light. He heard Jace suck in a breath behind him. He saw Clary let her head fall forward, squeezing Simon’s hand tight in the front row. Last of all, he looked towards Magnus, who closed his eyes, nodding once, and then opened them again, revealing the brown-eyed glamor back in place. 

Magnus sniffed softly and then looked up at him, forcing the most broken, unhappy smile Alec could have ever imagined. “Congratulations on your wedding, Alexander. I wish you nothing but happiness,” he said, and then turned slowly to walk away.

Alec knew, from his voice, that the worst part of it all was that he really did mean it. He really did wish Alec nothing but happiness. After that, after everything, he still _only_ wanted Alec to be happy.

Alec looked at Lydia and knew he would never, ever be happy if he didn’t do something fast. “I- I’m sorry,” he said to her in a rush. “I’m so fucking sorry,” he said, then turned and rushed off the dais. “Magnus!” he cried, stopping him right as he reached the back row. He didn’t run, no matter how much he wanted to, but he stalked down the aisle with purpose, shoving his mom’s hand away when she tried to grab him on the way past. Magnus slowly turned around, and Alec saw his eyes were shut. He looked like he was afraid to look up, but Alec didn’t need him to look at him to tell him everything he wanted to say.

Alec didn’t stop until he had one hand around Magnus’s waist and the other cupping his cheek to tilt his head and kiss him. Magnus made a startled sound, as did almost everybody in the room, but Alec, for once in his life, was too selfish to care, because he was kissing the love of his life in front of everyone who mattered in his world, and he honestly didn’t care.

Magnus snapped out of it by letting out a rough sob against his mouth and wrapping his arms around his shoulders, pulling him in tighter. When the kiss broke, Magnus was crying between every tiny kiss Alec pressed to his lips, not wanting to stop until Magnus believed him. “ _Alexander_ ,” he sobbed weakly and Alec cradled his head in his hand, shushing him as he kissed all over his face. Magnus swayed in his arms and Alec just held him, whispering the same phrase with every kiss he place on Magnus’s skin or hair or eyebrows or ears:

“I love you, I love you, I love you.”

All the sound returned to his hearing at once and he heard Isabelle squealing and clapping excitedly from up on the dais, he could hear angry spluttering from most of the envoys from the Clave, he heard Simon loudly asking, “What the _hell_ just happened here?” and Jace laughing at him. He could hear his mother spitting his name out and various threats and punishments that he didn’t give a shit about, because Magnus was no longer crying, but he was trembling like a leaf in Alec’s arms, and Alec only had attention for him.

“I thought I was too late, I thought- I thought you were going to tell me to leave, you said ‘it’s nothing’ and I thought I was going to _die_ , and Isabelle begged me, she begged me to save you and I thought I’d failed-“

“I love you,” Alec interrupted, cupping Magnus’s face in his hands to make him look at him. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I was so intent on protecting my sister I didn’t think about how nobody was protecting your heart, and I’m so sorry.” He kissed his forehead. “Thank you. Thank you so much for saving me. Thank you for stopping me from making the worst mistake of my life. Thank you for stopping me from marrying her.”

“Worst mistake of your life, huh?” Alec froze, and so did Magnus in his arms. Alec turned around, arms still protectively around Magnus’s shoulders, and saw Lydia standing right behind him, still looking breathtakingly beautiful in her wedding dress. She was looking at them more curiously than anything, so he forced a smile before speaking.

“It- it’s nothing personal,” he said roughly. He sucked in a breath, because he knew this was something he should’ve done a long time ago. “It’s just hard to be happy about marrying a woman when I’m- I’m gay,” he said firmly, knowing his voice had carried when his sister erupted into cheers again. He shook his head. “I’m sorry I almost married you when I’m, you know, not ever going to want to be married to a woman.”

She looked at Magnus curiously, then back to Alec and, in the most relieving moment he’d probably ever known, she cracked a grin. “So…. ‘he’s very magical’, huh?” she asked, and Magnus gave Alec a confused look while Alec spluttered and laughed in shock.

“I’m- I don’t do well with words. Sometimes,” he said with a small shrug. “I had a really big crush on him and I’m bad at talking even when I’m not terrified anything I say would out me.”

Magnus cleared his throat, giving Alec a look and Alec blushed. “Awww, Alexander,” he purred, wrapping his arms around Alec’s middle. “It’s okay, I kinda have a crush on you, too.” He leaned up and pecked Alec’s lips, and Alec smiled against them, unable to help himself.

Of course, the moment of feeling free and weightless was shattered by his mother’s voice. “ _Alexander Gideon Lightwood!_ ” Alec thoughtlessly moved a step in front of Magnus and was surprised when Lydia did the same, stepping back beside him so that Magnus was looking out between their shoulders. Maryse stalked closer, heels clicking as she glared with the fire of nothing but rage in her eyes. “How dare you, how _dare_ you do this to me?! How dare you do this to your father, to your family-“

“Speak for yourself,” Isabelle said suddenly, rushing down the aisle, anger in her eyes as she strode right up to them and put herself between her mother and her brother. “How dare _you_?” she asked challengingly.

Robert walked up behind Maryse. “Isabelle, stop this, your mother is right-“

“No, she’s not,” Isabelle said. “Look what Alexander almost did today, because of _you_!” she challenged.

Jace strode up to stand beside her, slinging an arm around her shoulder. “She’s right, you know?”

Maryse gave him a stern look. “You of all people, Jace, if you had any idea-“

“That my parabatai was gay our whole lives?” he asked, shrugging. “So? Of course I knew. Izzy knew, too,” he said, and Isabelle nodded.

Robert looked at them both, pale. “And you never said anything-“

“So you could do this to him?!” Isabelle asked angrily. “He may be your son, but he’s _my_ brother,” she said firmly. “Alec is _ours_ ,” she said, grabbing Jace’s arm. “He only proposed to Lydia because he wanted to protect me and Jace and he knew that you would pick your own reputation over us both,” she proclaimed and Maryse looked like she’d been slapped.

“You honestly think-“ She looked at her children. “You think I’d rather look good than protect my children?”

To everyone’s surprise, it was Lydia who spoke up. “Maybe you don’t realize it, but that’s exactly what you were doing,” she said simply. “Look around you. Your son was going to go through with something that would make him incredibly unhappy whether it was me or some other girl you picked for him. He only picked me, because he got to have a say in it that way.”

Maryse gave her a look. “Oh? And you didn’t exactly turn him down,” he said and she shrugged.

“I was never going to be happy anyways. The man I love died and with him died my dreams of running an institute, but if marrying Alec was going to do that, he’s as good as anything.” She reached back and pulled off the necklace Alec had put on her and held it out. “But I don’t care what the Law says,” she said, offering Maryse back the family necklace. “I lost my chance at love. I don’t care who it’s with, Alec deserves to have that, because he’s a better man and a better Shadowhunter than any of us.”

Alec smiled at Lydia and was surprised to see Magnus looking at her with a very impressed look in his eyes. “Damn,” he said, nudging Alec. “Maybe I should’ve held out for her instead of you,” he said and Alec rolled his eyes, shoving him away playfully, only to catch his hand and pull him right back into his arms.

“Hey Magnus,” he whispered, smiling at him as Isabelle started to lay into their parents once again. “Wanna get out of here?”

Magnus bit his lip as his smile threatened to reach ridiculous proportions. “Alexander, I’d go anywhere with you right now. Just say where.”

Alec tugged his hand and they walked away down the vacant corridor towards the doors of the institute. “Let’s just start with somewhere I can get out of this damn suit,” he said, and Magnus twirled his fingers, blue sparks playing around his fingertips as they got outside of the building.

“I may have an idea,” he teased and Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus, picking him up to spin him around as they started down the walkway towards the street, and Magnus squealed, laughing happily as he and Alec made their way towards a future that, no matter how uncertain, would be one they faced together.


End file.
